It's Friday. Sex?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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