My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
