I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
