That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
