Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
