im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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