My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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