just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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