PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
