The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
