I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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