i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
