We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
