I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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