my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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