just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
