I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
birth control should be required to get into college
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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