next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
