For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
