Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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