a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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