Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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