so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
