You don't have asthma, your pregnant
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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