Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
