She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
