stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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