He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
