you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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