if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
