he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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