thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
