Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
