Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
smell my finger.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
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