At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
