All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
