Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm at about main and main street
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
