I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
