someone threw a dead crab at me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
