Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
