i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
