Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
