then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
