I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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