it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
