the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
