Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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