okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
