I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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