Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
