A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
