when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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