We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
